Acknowledging your flaws is a good thing right?
Because I realized last night (while in the middle of a panic attack/nervous breakdown) that I am 1. completely obsessed with my grades and 2. slightly over-dramatic when it comes to the world ending because of my grades.
Maybe this is because I'm a Leo (yes, there are a lot of things I blame on when I was born, I can't help things out of my control :) )... I like to be good at things. Typically, I was always good at whatever job I was doing. Now that I do a job a 5 year old could do, I like to be good at school. I go to great extremes to be good at school and spend more hours every week working on schoolwork than I spend doing anything else.
As for the slight issue of being dramatic... I try not to be dramatic in day to day life. But when something happens that I feel like I can't control, I panic and think it might just be the end of the world.
And last night, the world almost ended.
Both of my classes this summer are online, so I was on the college website taking my history practice exam (4 times... just to be certain) when I decided to check on my grades. I looked at history first... my average is a B. My heart raced a little. So I spent a few minutes doing math (which I despise) trying to figure out what grade I needed to get on my last test and my final in order to get an A.
Then I checked English... My average is a 92.1 % and I still have to hand in 2 more essays, both which I feel I did a pretty good job on. But as I was scrolling through, I noticed there wasn't a grade next to my 2nd essay. So I checked the submission page for it, no submission. I checked the overall grade average for the class... nothing next to my essay 2. Panic had officially sunk in.
But I worked soooo hard on that essay!!!
Is there a computer glitch and it's just not showing my grade?
Is it possible I forgot to submit it?
If so, how will that affect my grade?!
I frantically wrote my professor, who happens to be younger than me and a real stickler for deadlines, asking if he could check on my grade for me. But he's in the process of moving and hasn't gotten back to me yet.
I tried drinking a beer. I called my mom while drinking a beer and she told me to stop being so dramatic and not worry until I heard back from him. I talked to Miranda while I drank another beer, who told me to take deep breaths and see what he says.
I feel slightly better, but there is still that tight feeling in my chest that will either go away or extremely intensify when I get his email.
I actually feel a little better admitting that I'm kind of a freak about it...
Hi, My name is sara and I'm obsessed and over-dramatic when it comes to my grades.
I wonder if there's a support group for this? :)
Thanks for listening to me rant and panic... hope you're all having a wonderful wednesday!
Day 71 - A picture of your favorite piece of jewelry
I got this matching necklace and earrings set from my mom for my birthday last year :)